I Run Around

Running is the most natural form of exercise

Trottin’ Time

Getting closer to the turkey trot. It will be my first time running this race and boy is it cold outside!!! Winter is officially here this week and I’m wondering what the bitter cold will feel like on my cheeks as I run.

I bought a new hat and gloves for running. The gloves are nice but I have a hard time with hats. I’m really sensitive about how my ears are covered by the hat. And I like that hat to not move around too much as I move. I have a really nice knit hat that fits my requirements perfectly but it is horrible for the cold cold because it is not very tightly knit. It’s more of a fashion piece. So, even though my head is covered….it’s really not.

Over the weekend I got back to the gym and worked out each day. I could tell today because I was really hungry! Tonight I’m resting – had a long workday and catching up on lots of important paperwork. Tomorrow I would like to go back to the gym but I need to finish some paperwork and I have another long work day. We’ll see.

Time for bed!!

Goodnight!

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Blog Interview

Browsing my reader this morning I came across a blog interview challenge that is originally from Suzie81’s blog site: Suzie81 and decided to do the interview. You can too! Just copy and paste the questions below and link back to Suzie’s site.

1. Why have you chosen your blog name?

2. When you have an hour of free-time, what do you do?

3. If you could choose to stay a certain age forever, what would it be?

4. If you could learn to do something, what would it be?

5. What would be the first thing you would buy if you won the lottery?

6. What is the thing that makes you absolutely unique?

7. What is your favourite blog?

 

My answers:

1. My blog name describes what I do – I run. I run around town, around the gym (on the treadmill), around work chasing people and I like to run in the park with my dog. I run around. 

2. If I have an hour of free time what do I do? It depends on what needs to get done. Sometimes I will browse the internet, write my blog, watch netflix or iTunes, take my dog out for a walk, get a tattoo, get a piercing, take a nap, take a shower, clean or do laundry. Or go to my parents house.

3. If I could stay a certain age forever, what age would it be? I like my age right now – 33. It’s just enough life to have gotten the hang of it and start being successful at life and I still feel like I have a lot of time ahead of me. 

4. If I could learn to do something what would it be? I like to be able to do a nice back bend in yoga, communicate in sign language, brush up on my french and ukrainian and maybe perform surgery or autopsies. I like dissecting stuff.

5. The first thing I would buy if I won the lottery would be more tattoos so I could finish my half sleeve. 

6. What makes me absolutely unique? Some stuff I can’t say on here, but it would be my tattoos since they are original from me, my desire to do the challenging stuff that no one likes – mostly meaning working with difficult people or animals, my aspergers.

7. My favorite blog – well all of the blogs I follow could be my favorites since I’m following them. But the one I always look for in my reader is Serenity and my urban autistic experience. I love it. I love learning about a mom’s experience with her autistic daughter, how they work with her and the challenges they face. It gives me a better understanding of what its like and I love the way she writes!

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Love Blog

What do you love most about yourself? What do you love most about your favorite person? Are the two connected?

What do I love most about myself? My ability to eventually come to equilibrium. I say eventually because sometimes it takes a while. Somethings need to move around or change in order for equilibrium to settle in.

I also love my ability to make real work connections and examples with the information I tutor my students in. It seems to help them a lot, its fun to do and really makes sense of science. 

What do I love about my favorite person? Honestly, I can’t say that I have a favorite person. I love my students. I love the kind of connection you can have with them where you learn and grow together. You sometimes see them at their worst and definitely at their best. Seeing what they are capable of and helping them to realize that too. Going on their ups and downs with them makes me appreciate them more and my life more too. 

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Good Morning!

Good morning everyone! 

During the night I heard a serious amount of wind blowing and thought for sure there would be a foot of snow on the ground but there was nothing. Not even broken branches. And it’s about 50 degrees out. Too warm for snow!

My industrial piercing is doing good. I took care of it in the shower last night and only had one bump from my cat when I was trying to clean her ears. Other than that its all good!

My dad is home from the hospital and doing okay. I talked with him yesterday and he agrees that he wants to get better. He said he doesn’t need counseling but I urged him to at least go and check it out. See what they have to say. It can’t hurt and it might be nice to have someone else to talk to. And I gave him a number of a naturopathic doctor in our area whom I’ve gone to before and may be able to help out as well. 

In addition to that I’m going to make cream for his legs. He has very poor circulation in his legs and as a result the dead skin doesn’t exfoliate the way it does for most people. It dries up and comes up in large chunks. And sometimes his skin cracks. So, I thought we could make a mix of plain lotion, tea tree oil, borage oil and aqueous silver. Those three ingredients have great antimicrobial and skin healing properties. 

Hopefully I get to the gym today. It’s been too long. With me being sick, then my dad, then working as much as I do it’s been really hard in the last few weeks to get there. 

Have a good day peeps!

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Winding down

Its been a long week. My dad came home today. I had to go to work so I don’t know what’s going on there.

Tomorrow I wake up early and meet a co-worker for coffee and Al-Anon chat. Then I’m going to try to make it to TRX, have a few hours off then it’s off to tutoring. I’m going to stop at the piercing place after tutoring then it will be time to go to my parents. I have to help my mom clean up my dad’s room because it was a mess. Drinks spilled and left to stick to the floor, full ashtrays sitting around, laundry, other what-nots. I don’t know what mental state my dad is going to be in. Will he know what happened over the last few days? Will he understand? Will he think it was complications from his other medical conditions apart from the drinking? Will he understand that he was in serious medical condition? Will it matter to him?

I want to have a heart to heart with him. Take him out of the house for some dessert or something, where it’s just him and I. I can tell him I understand how hard it must be for him to deal with all the physical pain he’s in due to his other  health complications, how all the doctors appointments and pills are frustrating. I want to know how he feels, what he wants, what he needs. What is it that you see is the issue? How can you be happier and healthier?

I’m going to try to be open minded even if he says something I don’t like. It has to be his process, not mine. He may want to keep drinking. Then I would say lets look at something else we can improve in his life. What else can we work on. Perhaps improving a different area of his life will leak over to other areas.

Some ideas I have are yoga, talk therapy, flotation therapy, nutritional cleanses, seeing a naturopathic doctor, massage.

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Ready to go

Tomorrow I leave my job of 7+ years. Kind of excited! Kind of nervous.

My dad might be coming home this weekend. Which I’m not real excited about. Then the real work begins. Going to the Al-Anon meeting yesterday helped me to remember to take care of myself and not try to control my dad’s behavior. I feel less stressed. But my mom and I will still have to be a presence in his life, a strong one. He has appointments for rehab counseling and I’d like to go with him to AA meetings if he would go. I hope he does at least go to one. Give it a shot, listen. What have you got to lose? I want to go to an AA meeting too and hear the alcoholics stories. I want to understand. I think I have an idea but you don’t really know what it’s like until it is you. It’s never been me to be an alcoholic. I’ve felt it in my body a few times when I did go through drinking stages. But for some reason it never stuck. I’ve never struggled much with addiction, unlike other members of my family. For some reason I would rather work through my problems then drink them away…because the problems are never really gone…they’re still there when you wake up or get through the hangover. And, if you keep drinking to really put it off, you create more and potentially bigger problems. Like with my dad. This time his kidneys were close to failing. When he stayed at the VA his insurance wouldn’t cover that so my parents have a couple thousand dollar medical bill to pay for on their retirement fixed income budget.

What’s it going to be like? Is he going to decrease his drinking? How long will it last? If he does drink again, what will happen? How bad will it get, what will be the havoc on his body and mind? Will he just stop? If he does I think we need to address the underlying issues – mental, physical, emotional. There is some reason(s) why he drinks and just stopping drinking probably isn’t going to stop those reasons.

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At the hospital

My dad was moved to a double room 😦

Those are never as restful as a single room. His single room was nice and spacious, had nice comfy furniture. It was quiet! I’m sorry but I really hate when there’s other people in my dad’s hospital room. These people don’t seem so bad though…they seem nice. Some of the past roommates were….annoying. Sorry! But I’m sure they feel the same way when they have less than optimum bunk mates. I just believe that environment can add to recovery and I want the best possible environment for my dad to get better.

The aide told me that he ate about 75% of his dinner, with her help. That’s more than he ate yesterday. So that’s good. I feel more optimistic today, or at least less stressed. I called the hospital during my lunch break today at work and got emotional. I ended up finding out that someone I work with has had experience with the issues surrounding alcoholism, so perhaps my tears were a good thing today. It helps when you have company. She reminded me of AA and Al-Anon meetings so while I’m at the hospital I looked up meetings in my area and there’s one tonight I can make in my neighborhood! I’m going to go.

I wish those curtain room dividers provided sound proofing as well. I don’t want to hear other peoples conversations and I don’t want to hear your TV. In the Veteran’s hospital they had small TV’s attached to the bed so it was more private.

 

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Never good at this title thing

Went to the hospital today to see my dad. He’s been on medication that relaxes him and gets him to sleep while he’s going through alcohol withdrawal. His tremors were pretty bad yesterday from not having alcohol or his pain medication. Which is good, that he didn’t have those two things, but bad because the tremors were scary. His kidneys are started to get affected from the drinking. We don’t know how much yet because I haven’t been able to meet up with a doctor since his admission. 

I see this man so great, so big, so tall, so proud and strong. And stubborn. He can do anything, he knows everything. He’s my Dad. Cut down to this horrible mess by the addictions. The addictions that were fed by his family, his generation, his genetics, his coping skills. A life so long and so great disintegrated into this skinny old man laying in a hospital bed, his mind gone from the ativan, his arms and back all scratched up from the itching caused by an antibiotic reaction, his lower legs unusable from swelling, cellulitis, inflammation, gout, absent circulation. Red, raw, the skin flaking off from his feet, ankles and calves. The lightest touch on his foot sends him yelling in pain. 

Why can’t we stop this? We urge him to keep his legs elevated. To slow down on the drinking, to give up smoking. To find a new doctor. He has tried but I think he feels overwhelmed with all the doctors. He has tried slowing down and quitting his addictions, only to end up back where he started. What are his triggers? What sends him back in that direction? I know the pain does. But I know, and he has to think, that there are more options than drowning out the pain with extra pain killers and vodka. Has he wondered about other options? Or does he think thats the only option or is the easiest? Because it’s not and it isn’t. 

Each time he’s gone in the hospital we’ve urged him, the doctors have urged him to quit smoking and drinking. And he says that he will. I honestly believe that he does try when he’s home…but we end up back in the emergency room six, seven months later. Because he is able to think and make decisions for himself we have to let him. He refuses drug and alcohol treatment. It doesn’t seem like there’s much else for us to do besides prove that he’s a danger to himself or others. 

This is not how I want him to die. I don’t want him to die at home from an overdose or go through excruciating pain at the hospital. 

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Plugged In

How much of the day am I plugged in? I’d say a good portion. I always have my smartphone with me, in which I can easily access emails, Facebook and the internet. At home I got on the computer at least once and use netflix or iTunes almost every night. I should set aside time when I’m completely unplugged but I haven’t gotten to that yet. I was thinking about when my schedule changes, I’ll be able to go away for the weekend every once in a while and I was thinking of setting aside that time to be unplugged. 

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A blog post

I didn’t publish….

Would be one in which I wanted to be very honest. I wanted to use names, dates, places but it would breach my privacy policy. Writing is healthy in getting out your feelings and thoughts but we have to be careful now in this online age because nothing is really private. So I try not to use names, dates, places or anything that would be too obvious.

It sucks but it is what it is. 

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